Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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