A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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