At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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