I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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