i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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