Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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