i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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