We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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