I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
