It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
