OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
