A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
