So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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