feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
