Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
