May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
