girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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