long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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