we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
