So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
