then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
We are two peas in an std pod
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
