actually, I'm a sock model
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
