New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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