wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You pole danced in your parka.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
