Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
