I'm going to jail i love you
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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