i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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