If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
