If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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