i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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