Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
