Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a search helicopter?!
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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