do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
