i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
