And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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