Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
