Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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