well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
