you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
