I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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