And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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