thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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