why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
