You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I could fuck to npr.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
