I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
