yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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