They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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