When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
