it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
