you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
