***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
