She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
