i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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