i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
